by Rick Mann

In 2021, on an October day in northeast Ohio, Steve Raichilson was playing tennis with his friend when his friend collapsed. Having been trained in medical CPR but having never done it before, Steve performed CPR, and after what seemed like an hour and the arrival of some EMTs, his friend was revived. We all need good friends like Steve. Most Americans don’t have many close friends.

We Live in a Lonely World

“The surgeon general of the United States recently named loneliness as America’s top health problem, revealing that nearly half of the country’s adults report feelings of isolation and deteriorating mental health.” This quotation comes from a September 2023 Christianity Today article entitled, “Take a Risk and Make a Friend.”

Harvard University has a project called Making Caring Common. A report from the project is entitled “Loneliness in America: How the Pandemic Has Deepened an Epidemic of Loneliness and What We Can Do About It.” In the report, we read:

Alarming numbers of Americans are lonely. According to our recent national survey of approximately 950 Americans, 36% of respondents reported feeling lonely “frequently” or “almost all the time or all the time” in the prior four weeks. A startling 61% of young people aged 18–25 and 51% of mothers with young children reported these miserable degrees of loneliness. Survey respondents also reported substantial increases in loneliness since the outbreak of the pandemic. The cost of loneliness is high. Loneliness is linked to early mortality and a wide array of serious physical and emotional problems, including depression . . .

In Harvard’s work on loneliness, they make a few recommendations. On the one hand, they believe that the government needs to do more. “High rates of loneliness are a societal failure, and these rates demand that we as a society, at every level of government and in our communities, begin to reweave and reimagine our relationships.”

On the other hand, they reference how our religious faith can make a difference. “We need to return to an idea that was central to our founding and is at the heart of many great religious traditions: We have commitments to ourselves, but we also have vital commitments to each other.”

Learning from Jesus

When we look at the life and ministry of Jesus, we see Him touching the lives of so many who were downcast. In Matthew 9:36 (NIV), we read: “When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.”

While this was written about 2,000 years ago, it could have been written today. People all around us are struggling, and many, if not most of them, are unshepherded. 

This means that many or most people do not have people who regularly touch their lives in meaningful ways. One day, I was thinking about this passage as I was at a small group meeting. I asked the two leaders of the small group, “Do you think the people in this group could pastor the people in this group?” They said, “Yes, but we don’t like the term pastor because we are not pastors.” I then asked, “Do you think the people in this group could care for the people in this group?” They said, “Yes.” I continued, “Do you think they could pray for the people in this group and reach out to the people in this group each month?” They again said, “Yes.” I said, “Okay, let’s call it CPR, which stands for caring, praying, and reaching out.” The idea quickly got some traction and has been used by that group and many others since.

Let’s take a deeper look at caring, praying, and reaching out.

Caring

While we all want to be cared for, most of us do not have people we can identify in that way. Even though many have relatives who we would say care for us, that is often tangled up with other issues. Regardless, we want someone to know our name and know that we matter. While this can happen through the local church, we should not assume that is always the case.

I was talking about loneliness with a 40-something man. He wasn’t married, and his mother had died a year or two earlier. He said to me, “I work for a large Christian organization and go to church.” He continued, “I could die on Friday, and no one would even notice for a week or more. I don’t have a friend in the world.” I said, “You can count me as your friend. Each month, I will care for you, pray for you, and reach out to you to see how you are doing.” I also said, “I am going to pray for you that in your church and community, you will have others who will become friends.” As I write this, thankfully, he is doing well with several new friends in his life.

Praying

As you are intentional about caring for some people in your world, It is not hard to pray for them as well. There are several ways to do this. First, you can take a quiet approach and pray some prayers for them from the scriptures. For those who have yet to meet Christ, you can pray from John 6:44 that God will draw the person to Himself. From Acts 3:19, you can pray that the person will turn to God in repentance. Second, for those who are Christ-followers, you can pray for them as the Lord brings them to mind. You can pray for them from Romans 15:13, which reads: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

You can also ask the Lord how you can pray for the person as you think of them.

If you are more outgoing, you can ask the person how you can pray for them. This can come in two forms. First, as you talk with them and something comes up, you can simply say, “I will be praying for you on that.” Second, you can ask them how you can pray for them. For example, during the winter holidays, you can ask, “How can I be praying for you during the holidays?” During the summer months, you could say, “How can I be praying for you this summer?

Reaching Out

As you are caring and praying for others, reaching out is not difficult. If your neighbor asks you to pray for their mother who was in the hospital, you can ask them how she is doing when you see the person next. Reaching out can happen in different ways. It can be a short text such as, “Thinking of you today, how is it going?” or “Praying for you today, any updates?” Besides a quick text, you can give a person a call, or send them a postcard. If you have a little more time, you can get together for coffee or lunch.

Next Steps

Being a CPR friend doesn’t have to take hours each month. As I was speaking about this at a church, I asked a lady if there was a person in her world that should care and pray for. She said, “I could pray for her in less than a minute.” I said, “Okay, how long would it take to reach out to her?” She answered, “I could text her in less than a minute and ask her how she is doing.” What she is saying here is that in a couple of minutes a month, she could be this person’s CPR friend.

Restaurant CPR

Some years ago, I was having lunch with an Alliance pastor at O’Hare airport in Chicago. When the server came, the pastor said, “When our food comes, we are going to pray for it and wondered how we could pray for you? Job, finances, family, health, school? Anything we can pray for you about?” I have done this hundreds of times over the decades and in almost every case, it instantly communicates that you care. It is always fun to see how this can open up a meaningful conversation. If you do this where you live, you may be the only person who cares, prays, and reaches out to them. Or to say it a different way, you may be a plumber, but you may also be the only pastor the person has.

Church CPR

Don’t assume that the person who attends your church has someone who is caring, praying, and reaching out to them. We have some very lonely people in our churches. One day, a man said to me, “Rick, I am doing church lobby CPR.” I asked, “What’s that?” He said, “I stand in the lobby and look for someone I don’t know. I then say, ‘I am sorry, but I don’t remember your name.’ We chat for a few moments and then I say, ‘How can I be praying for you this month?’ After church, I jot down their name and pray requests. In the coming weeks, I keep an eye out for them and reach out to see how things are going.”

I love this idea and it reminds me of the value of jotting down names and prayer requests. I keep a simple CPR friends list, so I don’t forget to pray and reach out each month.

You Can Do This

After introducing a church to CPR, the pastor said, “This is so powerful. It is simple, meaningful, and something anyone can do.” One teen said to her pastor, “Even though I am an introvert, I can do this!”

Ask the Lord how you can bless more people more through simply caring, praying, and reaching out. I don’t know if the government can solve loneliness in America, but I do know that as we have compassion for the people around us like Jesus did, we can make a difference.

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This material appears in Rick’s book, CPR & CPR+: How Caring, Praying, and Reaching Others Can Bless and Develop People.

Rick Mann, PhD, is the part-time director of leadership development for the Central Pacific District of The Christian and Missionary Alliance. An ordained Alliance pastor, Rick also works full time as professor of leadership and strategy at Trevecca Nazarene University in Tennessee where he also directs their MBA and DBA programs.